Reality

Sorry for the lack of posts the last week or so. I had been on a roll with getting posts and pictures up, but then I lost my momentum.

I wanted to post about something that has been brought to my attention lately. So often when I post I post about the beautiful, wonderful, lovely things about being a mommy. Trust me, there are plenty of those. The little smiles that I get or the way my daughter will completely relax the moment she gets into my arms. Those things truly are beautiful, wonderful AND lovely.

However, people so often talk about those things and they gloss over what I like to call "the dark side of mommy-hood".

I have gotten tons of comments about how well I am doing and how people are so proud of the way I am handleing it all, however thre are times when it isn't so easy. Here is the nitty-gritty truth

Sleep:

No matter how "good" of a baby you have, you will have more sleepless nights than restful. My little girl is a very good sleeper and I have no big complaints, but I STILL do not sleep well. I wake easily and often. The only way I can really explain it is that the sense of responsiblity you have for this little life does not just go away when it is bed time. I wake up in a start more often than not with a sudden dread that my little baby has been crying and I somehow haven't heard her (especially now that she is in her own room) or that worse, something is terribly wrong with her. Not to sound morbid, but the fear of infant suffocation and SIDS is VERY present in EVERY mothers mind. The baby's life seems so fragile and your sleep reflects that.

Then there are the nights they don't sleep. That horrible feeling when you look a the clock and know you have to be up in 2 hours ready for the day...and you have only had about an hour of straight sleep so far, is the worst feeling in the world. You look down at the little baby in your arms or lying next to you and while you love him or her so much, you find yourself wishing for the days when you were able to go to sleep whenever you felt tired and sleep as long as you wanted.

Feedings:

I like to term this as "ruled by the boob", but really you are ruled by the feeding times whether you are breastfeeding or not. If you are breastfeeding, you have to time EVERYTHING around feeding times and where you will be when those feeding times occur. I have gotten stuck many times and ended up feeding Gracelynn in the car. Or I will be in the middle of the grocery store with a cart full of things and she will begin screaming.

It isn't much better if you feeding by bottle. You have to think ahead about how many bottles you will need (how long will I be gone), then you have to think about getting the bottle warmed up BEFORE she is screaming! It is NOT fun to attempt to get that bottle ready when she is already in starvation mode.

Car Rides:

As if simply getting out of the door isn't hard enough, the actual car ride can be brutal! Imagine getting to the highway and about that time you little one lets out a blood-curdling scream. And about that time all you want to do is scream yourself. By the time you are at the stoplight one street from your house, you are angry at the darn drivers that don't KNOW you have a screaming baby in your car and the lights that are all conspiring against you.

S*x Life:

I am not trying to make anyone blush, and actually I am more refering to the romantic side of the husband and wife relationship. Not only are you both so utterly exhausted by the days events, but you are both living in fear that the moment you start to CUDDLE the baby will awake. And then you get over that fear...and then she DOES wake up!!!

It completely changes the relationship between you and your husband. While it is so wonderful to share that with your spouse, it is also so hard to know that your date life and romantic side has to be put on hold a lot. It takes a lot more effort to keep those fires burning.

I am in no way offering this information to deter someone from having a child. IT IS COMPLETELY WORTH IT ALL!!! I cannot say that enough. I love my daughter and I would gladly go without sleep for a year just to have her with me. However, I feel it is important to share these things with others. How many women have sat in their homes, in tears, feeling like they are the ONLY ones feeling this way? It isn't right to put on the front that everything is ok...when really it feels like it could all fall apart at any moment. When we share these things, and we open up about what is REALLY going on, we offer to others the opportunity to be less perfect.

I hope this makes sense. I just wanted to share with others my experience. I am sure some of you can relate...and for those of you that aren't quite there, someday I hope you look back on this post and realize that what you are feeling is normal and you are not alone!

Ok...on to the pictures :)


Gracelynn and her blanket. She loves this thing! It is super soft and she likes to chew on it. Of course, she likes to chew on EVERYTHING these days, but this more than others.

The loves of my life. Gracelynn and her daddy :)


The other loves of my life :) Moose (he is so big!) and Miss Olivia.


Our little family at Trunk or Treat for Halloween. Ben had to come straight from work (or maybe that was his costume).

Ok...that is all for now. My camera has had dead batteries for the past couple of days, so we don't have a ton of new pictures. There will be more to come though, as Gracelynn is going through a growth spurt!

Much love...

Trunk or Treat

There isn't too much to update on...but here are some pictures from our Trunk or Treat at our church tonight. Gracelynn got to enjoy her first costume...and now daddy gets to enjoy the candy!


Trying to eat the pom-poms. I am not sure that is what a cheerleader should do with those!


I would rather be eating my hand! Why did it take me so long to find these???


Go STATE!


K-State's youngest fan!


Staying warm at Trunk or Treat. So cute!!!

Happy Halloween.

This and That

Well, there isn't a whole lot to write about right now...just figured I should get some pictures up of Gracelynn. She seems to change every day and if I go too long between posts, you won't recognize her.

She has reached a few "milestones" though:

She has started going to bed at about 8:30 or 9 and then sleeping until at least 3! It is great...hope she keeps it up now :(

She is working to roll from her side to her tummy and from her side to her back. She still can't quite roll from tummy to back, but she is working on it.

She is working on grabbing her toys and reaching for them. Sometimes she will just stare at things as if willing them closer to her. I know it won't be long before she is crawling to get to them.

She laughed for the first time this past Saturday. My little sister was talking to her and she laughed out loud. It was so precious...and yes, I cried :)

We are on our fourth week of daycare, and so far she is doing really well. It has definitely helped with getting into a routine.

Ok...on to the pictures!

A little glassy eyed in the morning...

Sitting in my new Bumbo...showing off my chins.

Sleepy girl...

Having "kick" time...and yawning.

Cute picture from daycare...Daddy loved this one :)

Daddy was taking the picture...but Gracelynn only had eyes for mommy :)

Almost a laugh!

Aren't you going to feed me ;)

More kick time. "I wish mommy wouldn't keep putting these toys out of my reach!"

Carseat sleeper.

For Aunt Jacqui...my cowgirl outfit!

She even sleeps like a diva :)

More to come...

Smiles Galore!

Is there anything more heartwarming and wonderful than a baby's smile? I dare say there isn't. And I have found, it is even more so when it is your own baby!

As Gracelynn grows, she is becoming more and more responsive to people and their voices. She coos when she is happy and smiles at us in hopes of getting a smile back...and she always does. I can be in the worst mood, completely exhausted, and all I need is one little smile from my little one and all my troubles just melt away, at least for the moment.

As I write this she is laying in my lap and every once in a while she coos to get me to look down at her and will give me a little smile. It is as if that little piece of affirmation from her momma helps her know that all is well with the world. OH! If only we as adults could find such peace and calm in a simple smile from someone we love! If only we could know that the world and our lives were all going to be ok, just from a smile.

Because I have this opportunity to spend some alert time with my baby girl, I am not going to write long on here. I must take advantage of the time I have with her. I am all too aware that with each day she grows and changes, and tomorrow may be too late to enjoy this particular milestone.

I will leave you with a couple of pictures of her smiles...perhaps they will melt your heart too and help you know that all is right with the world...even for a moment. :)


Gracelynn early in the morning, getting ready to leave for Miss Andrea's house. She is an early bird, so she is usually very happy in the mornings. It is a great way for me to start my day!


Something I did made her absolutely crack up. I LOVE this picture!


Sunday morning before church. She was REALLY hamming it up for the camera.


Pretty girl! We are trying to use our "summer" clothes before it gets too cold. This is actually a halter dress, but since it is a little too cool for that, we put a sweater over it.


And if the pictures of her smiling didn't make your heart melt, perhaps this picture will.

Until next time...

Happy 2 months Baby G!

I can't believe I missed posting this yesterday. Chalk it up to the busy life we lead! Gracelynn was two months yesterday. I can hardly believe it. She is growing so much.

We had her two month well-baby check and immunizations yesterday. She came weighed in at 12 lbs 6.4 oz. and has grown to 23.5 inches! She is in the 95% for weight and 90% for height. The doctor said she looked very healthy and that he was impressed with her skin. He said typically, a baby that is 2 months old has problems with rashes and dry skin, but her skin looks great. He also was impressed with how well she was holding her head up and how social she is. I would like to think part of that is due to her being in daycare. She is learning at an early age to adapt to her surroundings and to make eye contact with people other than her mommy and daddy. I tell myself that so I can see a benefit in daycare :) The check-up went very well.

Then came the dreaded immunizations. She had one oral immunization that they gave her first. She drank it right down. Then she had 3 shots. One in her left leg and two in her right leg. The poor baby screamed like a banshee and turned shades of purple I have never seen before (and I'm a K-Stater). This was VERY hard for me to take...but fortunately it was short-lived and over quickly. Once she was bundled up in my arms again, she settled down quickly.

Last night was rough, but we made it through. I am glad we have two more months before we have to do that again. Now for some pictures. Most of these were taken at daycare by Miss Andrea. She is good about posting pictures during the day for parents that miss their little ones.

Gracelynn resting after her ordeal yesterday morning. You can see the little bandaids on her legs. My poor little baby.

She is getting so good at using her hands! At daycare she works on grabbing and holding her toys. What a big girl!

This is Gracelynn with her friend Zoe at daycare. Zoe is Miss Andrea's little girl and she is about 5 months old. I am sure Zoe will teach lots of things to Gracelynn some day.

Another picture of Gracelynn and Zoe. You can see the size difference better in this picture.

Gracelynn and Zoe have boppy time together every day. They enjoy being able to look around and play with each other.

Gracelynn "chillin'" on her boppy. Look at her big belly. She obviously likes to eat :)

Ok, that is all I have for now, as I am at work. I have a ton more pictures though, and will add them soon.

Amber

Flu Bug and Baby Baptism

Wow...what a weekend!

It all started on Friday afternoon. As I was leaving my training session to go pickup Gracelynn from daycare, I started feeling really strange. Kind of sick, but not horrible. I honestly thought it was just hunger pains, but then as I started to think about eating something, I couldn't even imagine eating something. I left Gracelynn with my mom so I could go see my clients for the night. I made it through my first client for the night and as the session progressed I began feeling worse and worse. When they left, I barely made it to the bathroom before I got sick. It was really bad...but I had another client arriving in 10 minutes. I made it through that session without getting sick and then headed out to pickup Gracelynn to go home. At this point I was thinking food poisioning since I started feeling crummy a couple of hours after lunch. However, on my way home I had the heat in the car cranked all the way up and was still shaking from how cold I was. When I got home I had a 101 degree temp!

Great....the flu!

So I head to bed and Ben took care of Gracelynn and brought her in for feedings. I continued to get sick all night long. It was totally miserable. The next morning, it just got worse. Ben got up and was sick too! We laid in bed burning up with fever and taking turns taking care of Gracelynn.

Fortunately, it was the flu of the 24 hour variety. Come Sunday morning, both of us were feeling much better. This was of course a good thing since we both had family coming in town for Gracelynn's infant baptism. It went great, and we had a chance to spend time with our families before the work week began again.

Then this morning, I was about to load Gracelynn and we thought she felt a little warm. She also had spit up quite a bit, so we took her temp and it was at 99.7. I called her daycare and Miss Andrea said that as long as it was under 100 we could bring her and she would monitor her throughout the day. We decided to go ahead and load her up and see how she did. As I was hanging up the phone, Ben was buckeling her into her seat and she threw up all over herself and him. That pretty much sealed the deal that she was staying home. She slept most of the morning and seems to be doing pretty well now. Her temp is slowly coming down and she is eating more this afternoon.

Hopefully it will be a while before we are sick again.

Here are some pictures from Sunday...the rest of the weekend, you wouldn't want to see.


Our little family :)


Pastor John peforming the sacrament of baptism


Grandpa Weyrauch praying over Gracelynn


Our family with Gran and Grandpa Long


Four Generations! Grandpa Pat and Grandma Judy, our family, and Great-Grandma and Grandpa Weyrauch.

More pictures from the weekend...
She only had eyes for Papa :)


Naked Baby!!!


Who could resist that smile ?


Gracelynn's "serious" face


Gracelynn eating her towel after bath Sunday morning.

Until next time...

First Weak

No...the title is not a type-O. This week marks the first week that both Ben and I are back to work full time and Gracelynn is in full-time daycare. We have made it through the first three days...barely. It is so hard to be away from my baby as much as I am. Monday, aside from a 15 minute time period when I was able to feed her before class, I didn't see her for 16 hours!!! That is too long! I have been weakened by this precious little girl and when I am away from her, I think about her constantly and when I will get to hold her in my arms again. I love my parents, and I love my dogs. I love my husband and I love my friends. Yet nothing prepared me for the kind of love I would have for my daughter. No matter how tired or overwhelmed I am, I always have the energy to show her how much I love her and to take care of her. It is almost like a super-strength that has been given to me.

All in all, the week has gone pretty smoothly, and I know that while it won't ever be easy to be away from her, it will get easier.

This Sunday is Gracelynn's baptism. We have a bunch of family coming in town and it will be so nice to see them. I will have pictures of that next week.

For now, here are a few more pics for your enjoyment.Playing with mom in the afternoon.

Close up...look at that beautiful face!You talking to me???The swing has become one of her favorite places.The proof.

LOVE

Bad Day Update

I was asked to update on my terrible day. Ben and I went last week to get our driver's license. He had to take the test...and I had to somehow find a way to prove that I am who I say I am WITHOUT ANY identification. Blah. Fortunately, I got the ONLY nice DMV worker on the face of the planet. She let me recite my driving history and address history. It was pretty easy, and meant I was able to get my new license quicker than not.

We also went that day to get our tags taken care of for the Chevy. Fortunately, the penelty for this car was nothing near the penalty for the Honda. It still was money we hadn't factored in, but at least it was taken care of.

Having my new license meant I was able to start replacing other things like my bank card, credit card and social security card. We will still have to check my credit report pretty regularly to make sure nothing is popping up, but otherwise I feel like I am on the upward swing of the whole losing-your-wallet thing.

God is providing...we are making it through.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

Much love...Amber

Picture Post

I attempted to do this yesterday, but for some reason, Blogger wouldn't let me upload pictures. So lets try again...


Smiling at mommy. She has really started to respond to you when you smile or talk to her. She really likes to mimic sticking out her tongue. It is hard to catch that on camera since the person taking the picture is ALSO trying to stick out their tongue :)


Super cute!!! Look at those chubby cheeks. She is growing up so incredibly fast!


I LOVE her toes! Soon enough it will be too cold to let her go without socks, so for now I try to leave her feet bare as much as possible.


She was DONE with pictures at this point! By this point, she was not having it anymore.


Big Yawn...we were getting ready for church Sunday morning. Praise team Sunday's are a little rough on all of us.


Saturday morning. Even Gracelynn likes to sleep in.


Pretty in pink. Once again, all dressed up for Sunday morning church.


First night sleeping in her own room. She has progressively gotten better and better at sleeping in her own room. The first night she was up every three hours, but last night she slept for a 6 hour stretch. I couldn't believe my eyes when I woke up and looked at the clock! I was so proud of her.


Hanging out with dad. Actually, mom was studying, dad was watching TV, and Gracelynn was snoozin'.

Ok...that is all I have time for right now. Have a great weekend!

Amber